instinct

06/21

2008-06-22T07:24:00.002+05:30

Blog stats says that my last post was 05/31/06, thats about 2 years back. Simple dates can tell how awful I am on the blogging scene. Actually the truth is that I have never been able to continue anything good for a long time. Whether its writing, going to the gym, guitar, GMAT prep...yada yada yada.
So I wouldn't claim that I am back or I'll be regular etc etc. Lets see how this innings goes with blogging, but as long I am here I'll try and make it worth the while :)

BTW, I am 27, single, and having a boring Sat night. Beats the hell out of me. hah!

Feeling Rusty

2006-05-31T21:51:00.000+05:30

‘am reading ‘losing my virginity’. For the less aware souls – it’s not a book about the first bangs of life but an autobiography of Richard Branson, the maverick CEO of Virgin Atlantic. From the start of the book, I am getting related to the Man (now who doesn’t like to get related with success). He talks of how his was so very enthusiast about his business plans right from his school / college days and how he enjoyed drafting these plans, working for school magazines, trying to take risks.
It reminded me of my days and the things I enjoyed most – debating, elocutions, managing college clubs, organizing fests, sponsorships, magazines and a passion for anything related to business.
But IT industry happened to beat the risk taker in me. Though a couple of plans were thought, a few discussed and a very few documented; none of them saw the light of the day and looks like they never will.
I am losing hair, gaining tummy (though gaining on the pay slips too) and may be turning lethargic. Comfort and coziness can be bad, very bad; they can kill the fire in you. I guess they already are.

‘RDB’ Karun kya?

2006-05-18T22:59:00.000+05:30

I know all blogs, papers, discussions and channels are laden with the topic of reservation, but still I couldn’t resist myself from getting in it. No I am not here to give you some facts and figures of reservations, but just share a thought which came across.
When a few days back the media made a hero out of Abu Salem, and brought to public his evil doings there was a much hyped incident of Gulshan Kumar’s murder. Salem had done it for extortion. After that murder when Salem called others for extortion dhamkis, he went ahead as ‘Tera Gulshan Kumar karun kya?’. Whooops.
Now why do I talk about it here? Because many years back I had seen on news channels students burning them selves, but I never understood it back then. Now I understand what the hell Mandal commission was. And when Mrs. Gandhi’s puppet dear Mr. Arjun Singh plans the same for the lust of votes, it brings back haunting memories. But is there a way out?
You guys saw ‘Rang de Basanti’? I really liked the movie though I was unable to digest the message. But now that these monsters don’t seem to change, lets go ahead.
Someone send a CD of RDB for Mr. Singh’s viewing, with a message ‘Tera RDB karu kya’??

Light out

2006-05-06T14:20:00.000+05:30

Visited home last week. While nothing beats the feeling of being home, nothing beats the summers too. If anything comes close to fighting these summers for an average Indian family, it’s the coolers, their God in summers. And I am no different.
So there are the coolers, water, ACs for the relatively privileged ones. It’s like everything is set but there is just one little problem – electricity. Any time of the day any time of the night for any number of hours in any number of homes the lights can just turn off for reasons unknown.
An option is to take connections from 2-3 areas of the city, so that when one goes off ‘may be’ the other works. All other connections except one are ofcourse illegal. But most of the people do it, paying only for one. They don’t have options besides nobody minds a little free supply. But dad isn’t too keen.
One fine day some lads from the electricity dept come and cut the supply off. Some one from the shop outside comes and tells us that they are planning some changes in transformer or something. Our supply needs to be shifted to another pole, but they don’t have enough wire right now (as if they didn’t know this before cutting the supply). If we need the wire from them we need to write an application which I am not sure will take how many days to process. So we rush to the market and busy the extra wire needed, from our pocket. When we come back and ask them to connect, there is another little problem, its already 6 in the evening and they have to go home. I am furious from inside, but as always - there is a way. He will ofcourse do it for a ‘tip’. And so its done. And we consider ourselves lucky that it was done without ‘much hassles’.
Among all this and some frustration I get an inverter at home. Just praying that there is some electricity to charge that inverter atleast.

Passing thought: Light no light, one things always rules 'ghar ka khana' :)

GOA

2006-04-11T12:20:00.000+05:30

Tiring bus journey. Resort hunting. First sight of sea. Refreshing. Offloading. Beach. Chicks. Sun. Beer. Prawns. Wow. Relax. Breeze. Beer. Nap. Fish curry. Prawns curry. Wow. Getting feet wet. Sand. Beach side walk. Bathe. Bright shirts. Gel on. Spikes. Party. Tittos. Vodka. Dance. Vodka. Crazy people. Wild dancing. Vodka. Prawns curry. Wow. Sleep. Breakfast. Bikes. Beach. Sun. Sand. Beer. Water sports. Thrill. Parasaling. Daam cool. Relax. Beer. Fish. Prawns. Wow. Bikes. Rocky beach. Peaceful. Snaps. Bikes on. Beach. Cool. No shacks. Peace. Jog. Bathe. Back. Dinner. Lobster. Expensive. Prawns. Wow. Sleep. Fort. Nice. DCH. Pledges. Snaps. Bikes. Beach. Beer. Praws. Wow. Babes. Wow. Topless babes. Wooooooow. Chicks. Topless chicks. Wow. Beer. Feni. Stink. Bathe. Beer. Sun. Relax. Nap. Party. Ready. Spikes. Wild party. Crazy people. Beer. Breezer. Drive. Dinner. Crabs. Prawns. Wow. Sleep. Morning walk. Calm beach. Beautiful. Long walk. Herbal Massage. Pack up.

Passing thought: Three guys obsessive about discussing work didn’t utter the word 'office' for 4 days. That’s what GOA can do to you. Goa rocks! It is just WOW.

not again :(

2006-01-14T11:16:00.000+05:30

And yet again I have been made to believe that things won't be easy going as far as my plans are concerned. I am not asking for a goldmine, but is asking for things to flow in a normal fashion asking too much? Life is what happens to you when you are busy planning something else.

We forgive you Modi ji

2005-12-03T21:33:00.000+05:30

When I used to read about the Gujrat riots I would discuss with my pals about how could the lure of ‘kursi’ make a human go down so much that hundreds of lives are sacrificed. I have fought vehemently with some of my ardent VHP supporting friends about this communal fight being downright politically motivated by some insane people who will kill anyone for power.

But I am made to think otherwise after the protests in Calcutta over the omission of our dada dear from the side. Not that I have anything against our most successful captain, infact I used to love his aggressive game once. But that was once. Things change, and they should bloody well change if that’s the need of the hour. But that would not wash down well in kolkataa coz the person concerned here is not a non performing captain but a fellow Bengali. Accepted till this point. Favoritism is human. But I got irritated when the so called city of cricket lovers applauded to wickets of Sachin and Dravid. Both of them are the pillars of the game which is treated as religion. And defaming the gods will not go down well with me or any other Indian. Watch out kolkatta!

The point I am trying to make is, its not the BJP or the Modis which are making us fight. We are communal to the core and we don’t want to change. In the globalized era we’ll keep being a Bengali, tamil and marathi and the all that the Modi jis of this world have to do is enjoy the circus of these jokers.

Passing thought: Kapil paaji said that “dada is an Indian first and a Bengali later”. O paaji tusi great ho, how did you sense pawar ji coming in shoes of Jaggu dada this early

Globalization Blues

2005-11-28T13:17:00.000+05:30

Blogging in day time! Now that doesn’t happen very often. At least not with me. Not that the software industry keeps one loaded with work all day, but there are some unlucky people who fall in the sickest of projects which will make you work and work as if that’s the one thing God made you for. I being not so lucky (my current status at 24 :'single and looking' is a testimony of that) happen to a part of this team which loves to work from 9 to 9 and on top of it feel proud about it. Yuks.

So how come I am giving this gyan at this time of day when I should be writing some code in the best language ever, COBOL :D. Because the monsters in the US, I mean our client, are not in office because of the thanksgiving long weekend. Now that they are out shopping means these is no one to send the so called tasks and so gives us the leeway to play TT, browse orkut and even blog!! So what’s wrong with it. In the face of it, nothing! Every holiday is a welcome holiday; hell cares if its thanks giving or taking or stealing or gifting. The problem comes when it’s a diwali or a dussera. I remember one of my leads telling me how tough it was to explain to a manager in the US why the folks here can not come to work on dusshera. I don’t know if he had to explain the whole Ramayan for it or he made a completely new epic just to get us the holiday. Even worse some guys had to cancel their diwali vacation because the client wanted them to be in office, though I was lucky and got the leave that time (but I am still ‘single and looking’ :D).
Offhand it dosen’t actually sound like a big deal, may be because work comes so much above in our priorities that we don’t mind drifting away from our family, friends, festivals, culture, beliefs…basically just what we are. The question I am trying to ask is how much?

Passing thought: Looks like the day is not far when we are going to start cutting turkeys.

Guitar Rules!

2005-11-22T19:31:00.000+05:30

Currently listening to "Sabaka katega" from a band called bodhi tree. Another good one from this band was 'XL ki kudiyan'. But sabka katega is diffrent. The guitar is excellent, voice sounds of a die hard romantic and the effect of the song is amazing. I guess the number of times I have heard it over from yesterday has crossed the century. Just gives me a feeling I should have continued with my guitar classes (I no way mean to say that I would have reached any close to this). This songs rocks guys, any guitar lovers juz mail me if u wanna hear it.

Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi

2005-10-22T18:27:00.000+05:30

thats the look!

Watched Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi some time back. Guess I seemed to like the movie much more than the ones who watched it along with me. It portrays nicely the diffrent ambitions (khwaishein) of the young blood and the complications that come along with them. Thats Chitrangada the lead actress in the movie. Though she is draped in sarees all through, but she'll make u like her. Watch it!

Passing thought: They say when you start something after a long break, start it with a fresh feel. I guess I have given this blog a "real fresh" look after the hiatus :o)

Production Engineering

2005-03-11T18:27:00.000+05:30

When I entered the world of engineering, I had heard of the ‘evergreen’ mechanical branch, but had never heard of something called “Production Engineering”. What would they teach you there- something related to re-production ;-). Well, who on earth would have taken stupid electronics then. Anyways soon realized that mechanical and production are brother in arms, though I am still not sure where to draw the line between the two.

But today some how I feel there should have been some kinda engineering, that would teach us how to be ‘productive’. Well don’t get me wrong, productive here is to do with my work, my daily activities. I mean, of late I have slowly slowly started to realize that I am not really at my efficient best. The few things which are really contributing to that are:
1. I have become an avid blogger. Don’t raise your eyebrows here. I really do blog hopping very often. Some ppl here are amazing, they write so well that I just keep reading their stuff, but it just takes my time away. So tip one for me, less blog hopping and more of writing.
2. In office don’t open more then 3-4 windows at a time. I mean generally I have some timesofindia of google or a blog open, and every 25-30 min I loose on to them. Got to cut this out.
3. Start working more on office related activities when in office, no fooling around.
4. When in sessions try and LISTEN. I realize I am a real poor listener. It was ok in back in college when some stupid was taking the notes when I was dreaming away or reading a novel. But professional trainings- got to make the best of it.
5. Finally, don’t come to office on weekends, have a blast then!!

Hopefully things will get a little better in some time!! Somehow I have started to realize the importance of work-ex. It really tells you when and how to pull up your socks. BTW, I am writing all this when my today’s work is still not done..eh. ;-)

Passing though:- Wonder why there are so few females in the production engineering. I always thought they increased the productivity wherever they went:o)

'WISH'ous circle

2005-02-25T21:19:00.000+05:30

How often do we feel that had things been otherwise it would have been so much better? But this dosen't happen very often that we don’t even know what we are wishing.
So good it happened, I feel so happy for the person. But what if the events would have been they way I look at them. Hey but! I am so happy…coz after many suffering some one else is. But had things gone the way they were and the way I wished…only if…!! ‘am I being bad, or just human. And anyways are humans ever good?

Passing thought:- confused??….so ‘am I!

the wheels are turning..

2005-02-03T20:36:00.000+05:30

Life is moving on. Will not say that things have been really exciting but yes it’s moving on. The other day I was realizing that slowly the most desirable of things once are slowly becoming possessions. Life has moved on from udhari to credit card (still an udaari…eeeee) New port to Levis from Action to Nike from tantiraa scooter to shining Black pulsar from no cam to a cam and a recent digi cam from PCOs to cell…and the like. Things have changed so much! Now wait if at all I should call it so much.
Cause there is nothing more I look back to then the hostel days of udhaari. That was the time when we were itching to break free and start earning. Those nights of discussing our screwed up job less situation (as if you are any less screwed with the job in hand). Even a two rupee chai at the canteen was worth the discussion that who will do the honor of paying it. Although always broke I wonder how we managed those hundred bucks for the booze party, and ya hundred was enf, heck who on earth drank Bacardi back then! The RS was the best of the luxury :o).
Yesterday I got free early from office, and had nothing to do, can you beat that, nothing!! When I had every evening to look forward some years back coz I had to rush to the girls hostel for the good drives (with only 15rs petrol in bike) and cozy evenings and coffees which used to end only when their hostel gates keep used to shut the doors.
How when we woke up at 7:55 for a 8’O clock lecture for a professor who took attendance in the beginning of the lecture. And when u miss that attendance you realize that the lecture is not worth attending and you go the canteen where somebody or the other is sitting and you can manage to go back to the class only after 3 lectures!!

The poha the kachori the CCH coffee the ICH dosa the girls hostel’s sanchi point (and the girls!) the college club, the fests, the night outs (more for bakar then studying) those stupid jokes, the booze, the empty stomachs (coz all money spent on phone calls)the yash dhaba drives, the proxies(one guy making 6 of them), the exams the preparation and more so screwing them badly and laughing over it, the cash crunch and partying in that crunch…I may just go on and on..and feel even more nostalgic!! I miss it all, abe yaaron guess its time for the third get together!

Passing thought:- wheels are turning, seems lots has changed from no brands to brands and the rest but one things stays on – the socks still stink :o).

when love was just 'Love'...

2005-01-10T15:33:00.000+05:30

Saw Mugle Aazam yesterday. Looks nothing goes untapped from the hands of digital techies, especially if it can bring along a couple of buks to them. So they did have put colours in Saleem and Anarkali though their life must have had a shade which can not be signified by any of the seven colours. Anyways this isn’t a movie review so lets not get into the grandness of the movie, the aura of Prithvi raj, the overacting of of Jodahbai, and most importantly the striking beauty of Madhubala.

Watching the movie gives you a complete different perception of what love is, or better still, what love was. I mean the expression of eyes, the way they look, move around and look again...oye!!. May be that’s what we call adaa. But its not just the ‘adaa’ which is being referred here. I guess movies are one of the best reflections of any time and era. All these old movies give a feeling that there was something very ‘unconditional’ about the relationships back then. Things were just not complicated and feelings were simple and ‘strong’. They said what they felt and said only what they meant. It’s not that feelings don’t exist anymore or relationships are lost but yes they do come with strings attached. I mean today its more about our priorities, our bank balances and the like, which makes the choice. More about getting physical and the rest of it. I mean watching those movies it seems those people never ever kissed, yet the intensity seems so strong!! Now don’t get me wrong, I am no seedha sadha banda or for that matter no desperate and ya not even a heart broken kinda story here. Its just that that time appeals to me. Ever heard the song, aajkal paav zami par nahi padte or dheere dheere machal ae dile bekarar, dosen’t it feel special?? Feels like a time when love was just love..

Passing thought:- We rush in our lives trying be what we want, can we halt, look back and ask..was it worth it?

The defeat within

2004-12-31T16:01:00.000+05:30

I have fallen again. The other day I thought of going to Chennai, to render a hand in the rehabilitation camps there. Got all excited and all geared up. Again one of those things which u want to do, because you REALLY want to do.
Then came the planning and friends gathering part- are you in, do u wanna come, can I count u, the office servicve organization, talked to a couple. Answers- ya, lets see, is it wise etc. Result- wasted an hour. Time to get back to work. After some time, felt like giving it a second try. Asked some more pals, this time came the advices- boy you will create more chaos, it won’t help, infact it doesn’t make sense!! Ok ok..I am convinced. After all everyone gave reasons. Will have the New Year party here in Hyderabad, that’s the sensible thing to do!
Now this isn’t the first time this has happened. Looking back at the reasons I am not sure that is this because I tend to go along with people or may be simply I am not sure of myself. BTW, am I sure of anything? May be that’s why I really look up to people who live by their beliefs and their ethos. I too try that umpteen times, but alas! The second hander in me wins :-(

Passing thought:- Apni marzi ke kahan apne safar ke hum hain, rukh hawaoon ka jidhar ka hai hai, udhar ke hum hain.

the jog, the walk and the mind

2004-12-22T20:03:00.000+05:30

Thup..thup...thup...thup man I am jogging!!…haaiiiiiii poor me, I run out of breathe!
Cm'on I got be fair to myself. This is the first time I am doing unwanted physical exertion. I have generally been a lazy kinda guy, and to make me do something like this might require a kiss from a real beauty. So what could be the reasons for this morning mishappening in my life? Needless to say the reasons got to be really BIG.
1. People kept telling me to do so from a long time - it’s good for health, you gotta maintain and the rest of the crap, and it came to a point that I could not avoid.
2. My roommate who has put on weight beyond limits (I expect his comment now) thinks the same for me. God, how can someone keep imagining thinks just to please or rather console himself ;-)
3. Finally there are times I feel that I might have put on a little weight, so there is no harm doing the morning round of jog ;-)
4. Now factually speaking the weighing machine REALLY thinks that I am not the same person as I was a year ago.

So the jog has started. The frequency isn’t bad too – 3 times in 6 days. I am making it on alternate days just because I really don’t want to tone up myself overnight and make all the dudes and hunks uncomfortable around myself ;-). Now how does it go: It’s a brisk walk from my home to the pakka road, and there I go ruuuuuning, ‘am really good! Okie huuf huff..I take a walk, walk a little more and there again…run…run..run..stop quickly. Thats less, but okie I have just begun. Turn back to home. Walk time baby..walk, walk, walk…waaaaaaaalk. Hello! Mr. Rathi you were here to jog, oh ya! Run again. Seconds later - STOP. Waaaaaaaalk. Hmmm..had a good work out. Must have chicken today!!

Now why do I say this? Today while on the way back, I got lost dreaming something while jogging and after a long time realized that I had come a long way without stopping. How come!! Later on while climbing the stairs I realize that in almost all the prior cases whenever I stopped for the walk it was not as if my legs were calling, but the mind - which kept telling me that I have done enough. Just need to get lost at times to get the best out of myself. A beautiful morning indeed :-)

Passing thought:- Limit is in the mind, the sky is just an excuse.

A bunch of hunch!

2004-12-21T12:02:00.000+05:30

Now what’s this? The CAT results were supposed to be out around 25th of December. That is around 5 days after I wrote my previous blog, but they were in the air after around five hours of my writing about them. And ya, I did not do well.
What am I suppose to make of it? It’s not the first time when I have had the hunch of something coming, pleasant or not is a separate issue. But this time I am myself taken aback. Is there someone up there giving us our so called gut feelings and the hunches…may be yes! Waiting for the hunch which will have a reason to smile.

Passing thought: - The old man over the clouds is sending the signals, just that the frequency is not matching.

Of aspirations, ambitions and desperation

2004-12-20T20:02:00.000+05:30

The CAT results will be out in a week’s time, and it again makes me uneasy today. Now I am no einstein or something, but then ya! I do dream. Actually this whole MBA thing is not about big dreams or those $$$ salaries. There are a few things that you just want to do in life, because u REALLY want to do them. Things that you feel suit you best and you would love doing it, but they constantly elude you.

By now I know details of almost all the colleges in here (and across the oceans too), from their lifestyles to their curriculum. I have read multiple MBA blogs and stuff and checked hundreds of sites involving the same. In short I have gained enough insight to discuss the topic of MBA entrance and future prospects with aplomb. But the bottom line is I have not done well in the exam, Too much na!

So what’s the whole point writing all this after coming to office on a holiday? Of late and even more today I am realizing that this dream is slowly shaping in to desperation and making me increasingly uncomfortable. Questions come hitting - Am I being too ambitious, am I dreaming beyond my potential? I heard that you can fight your way out of anything, and I have generally been a ‘fight till the end’ kinda guy but in this case either I am not fighting out well or the end is too far. Whatever it is, I hate to say this but it feels like...I am giving up!

Anyways I feel much better and the initial excitement of writing a blog is dying, so till the next post you guys….Keep Fighting!! :-)

Passing thought - The best part of having a Monday off instead of a Saturday – there are no Monday morning blues.